touch down.

left Canada for Good.
and for the very first time, I do not know how to describe what I feel right now.

On Guilt

Assalamualaikum.


yesterday it was sunny and whenever its sunny I can't stay at home. Unfortunately bank account is not smiling broadly these days so I usually have to think before I go out, focusing on the important stuff and minimize the spending. (Actually that's half lie, I am planning to go on a big shopping spree before I head home, so I have to do serious saving, to the point where I feel sick eating my own cooking and today I thought plain white bread tasted better than my mihun goreng).

Oh, back to my story.

So yesterday I went out to Gastown but nothing was cheap enough (or was I the one who's being cheap?) so I headed to Fraser to get some halal chicken. On my way to the CanadaLine, my stomach was making noises. Not wanting to spend any penny on the food, I went to the vending machine and got myself cheezels-like chips. I was planning to eat that on the train. Just before I got the train's door, there's this one middle aged man came to me. I suspected that he was homeless but I wasn't sure coz he was clean and dressed decent. He started to tell me that he's from Algeria and he just went bancrupt or sth and he just registered for the homeless help (there's such thing in Vancouver?) and that he's a Muslim.


Before that, I have to highlight the fact that I DON'T usually LISTEN to these kind of strangers, I would have the heart to just leave them and walk away. But this man was different. He caught my attention.


And then he started to tell me that he hasn't eaten for 3 days and that he was very angry. The feeling was mutual at that time, I was feeling hungry too. I actually felt bad for him and took out my purse. I knew I had enough cash to give out to him for a meal but I just handed out 2 dollars.

And then the man started CRYING.

He told me that 2 dollars is not enough and he was VERY hungry.

well guess what I did?



I walked away.



I felt SOOOOOOO terrble afterwards, I sensed sincerity in him and I can feel that he was really in need of food. I could have just give him 5dollars or even 10. I didnt even handed him the 1.35 dollars chips I got for myself. Siigghhh..its very weird coz I keep thinking about this man until today. God's willing I hope he found help.


Its not very fun to feel guilty but when I mengadu dekat Sud, his response was,


"Ok la tu dah bg 2 dollars..pasni kalau ade org mintak duit nk makan bwk pegi all you can eat sushi"


hahahahaha fineeeeeee.


moral of the story:

for most of us, money is everything. the money problem is a neverending problem. when you're short of it, it really worries you. and when you have lots of it, you just keep wanting more. but there are so many out there who can't even eat. how many of us are willing to actually SHARE?

but pls becareful, i don't give out money to these kind people randomly because i think they use the money for drugs.

Hari Gaji Buta

Half an hour after my shift this morning, the kids at Little Raven along with three regular staff left the daycare to Iona Beach for the Spring field trip. I did not follow as my shift ends at 11 and they will only be back to the daycare at 1 p.m. So yeah, my boss said I could leave after helping tidying up the block corner and play-doh area and kitchen. I basically just worked for 45 minutes today and I spent another 10 minutes after to take pictures.

This is where the kids eat. Little chairs and small table.

This is where the kids can paint anything they want at any time they want

This is called the dress up corner. From princesses gowns to firefighter attire you can find here. There's even hawaii flowers if you can see. lol

This is my favourite corner which I think the cutest corner of all. This is the kids stove in case they are hungry lols.

Mini pot and frying pan.

Don't forget to do your dishes!

Mini plates and cups

My favourite of all! hahaa

Toast and corn

This is the birthday wall.

First mat salleh twins I've met. haha

anddddd....mini toilet! hahaha

Okay that's all. I am late for lunch with the guys. Daaaa~

How do you know?

something doesn't need explainations,

i have not said this in a VERY long time, but..
trust your instincts.

when you know, you know.

you can pretend, but can you lie?

you can hide, but can you dissapear?

you can speak, but can you express?

you can hear, but can you listen?

you can feel pain, but are you brave enough to suffer?

you can shed tears, but can you really cry?

you can take, but can you accept?

you can refuse, but can you reject?

you can walk, but can you run?

you can smile, but can you laugh?

you can dislike, but can you really hate?

you can like, but can you ever love?

I am really leaving, am I?
The thought of it makes me scared.
Coz this was the place where I grew up.

That's Why We're Different?

Its true that they say we learn something new everyday even without having to go to school. Everyday at the daycare (for those who do not know, I have been working part time at two daycare in UBC since February) I learn something new, things that I thought I knew, or I thought I have been ever exposed to and yet miss the small, little detail.


So here goes what I learnt today.


At the daycare I worked at, there is this boy who speaks in an "annoucement" voice. Dalam erti kata lainnya, bingit suara dia. If he speaks from the other end, one from the other opposite end can clearly listen to what he says. During snack time today, when my boss and I were busy serving the other kids, he started to speak up again saying that his friend was saying something that from his point of view, rude. My boss was probably bothered by his loud voice, went over to him and ask him to stop talking at just finish his snack. He tried to defend himself but she asked him not to and commanded him to just continue eating.

I found that normal. As adult, that's what we do. We take control, we in charge. I myself admit that I have little patience with young children. Not that I can't stand them, I love them, but there are points when I feel the need to raise my voice and just take control so that they do not go beyond control.


However, to my suprise, the other older regular staff came in and started to "tegur" my boss about her way of handling the situation. She said that by doing so, this boy might loose his "self confidence".


That amazed me.


In Malaysia at least, I have met with SO many kids who lack self confidence. Never occcured in my mind that this could be the reason. When you keep saying no or raise your voice to the kids, they would feel that they keep doing the wrong things and hence affect their self confidence. Consequently, they grew up thinking that way. People here learn to listen to what the kids have to say, respect their opinions, and if they are wrong, correct them in such an intelligent manner. That's actually common sense though, even some of us as adults cannot handle rejections very well, let alone being continuously told we are wrong. But often in Malaysia, we forget this when dealing with kids.


I thought I'd share this with you guys, who knows, it might come in handy one day in the future.



xx,
Ina

June 1st 2010.

Alhamdulillah, setinggi2 syukur ke hadrat illahi dengan rahmat yang Dia turunkan pada hari ini. Seeing the picture above give me chills (of course credit to Amira Myra Ezamshah) this is a killer shot, me and Canada. And who would ever thought I would even make it to this day?


June 1st 2010. Prior to this day, Vancouver was poured with rains, heavy rains, and so was my heart. Acecey. hahaha perlu kan masuk element sedih. Banyak betul dugaan minggu sebelum tu, dari kehilangan perfume Ibu, hilang kunci, and one hell of shocking news plus shocking news sebelum2 tu lagi, I almost didnt even think I was going to be happy that day. Somehow, deep in my heart I had a strong feeling its going to be sunny on Tuesday, I swear I had this feeling in me.


And so my instinct was right. Sun decided to pay a visit. One week of graduation, that was the ONLY day it was sunny. alhamdulillah. Pictures were perfect, colours were beautiful, I looked amazing (ahem)hahaha, my first ever attempt to put on the eyeliner succeed, myra, tolong bagi brand eyeliner berjasa itu.


Banyak gambar tapi korang tengok lah kat facebook ye, ni few highlights saja

Dari kiri ke kanan korang kenal kan semuanya. Buah2 hati saye.

Topi ni dapat free UBC kasi saye. Boleh pakai pergi pasar malam bila balik malaysia nanti

Ni hadiah untuk saye.

Kad2 ni untuk saye juga. matching kad tu dengan topi. Words dalam cards ni priceless beb..

Ni jugak hadiah untuk saye.

Saye jugak dapat bunga dua jambak dan coklat dan video.


Itulah kisah Hari Graduation saye.
I really did have a great time, thank you everyoneeeeeeee
Sekian terima kasih.



xx,
Ina

Update!

Assalamualaikum w.b.t

aha, finally an update.
FINALLY I get to change the layout of this blog, have been searching for new layouts in daysssss and only get to the right website with the right HTML codes last night. phewwww. Nope, I never wanted to stop blogging. Now that I have tonnes of free time I might get myself as active as I was before.

So stay tune, and the report on Graduation Day is coming up!


xx,
Ina