Happy 2012 ::: Walking to Another Year of Unknown.

People come from different walks of life, they have years of experiences and they grow older. Some of them give such an inspiration, you can't help to wonder why they are so successful and yet have great attitude. The safest assumption is to think , they must be lucky people who are always happy.
Of course there will be a group of people who belong to the opposite
But how bigger of a person am I to judge their characters?
Let's just blend in, cooperate, and most important, .... to always respect.
"To be humble to the superiors is duty, to the same levels is courtesy, to the inferiors... that's noble"


The surface is easier to intepret, to be worded.. to express.
The within.. is still pretty much complicated
For how immature & ignorance was I before to not realise that this was never supposed to be a 'thinkable' problem.
How do you continuously express your regrets when time has long leave you forward.
Why do you always want to keep looking back when the present is a definitely a gift.
Believe in fate.
Let's not try to question what's written & what's not.
"Manusia mengecewakan, Tuhan takkan....."


To stay positive is difficult but not impossible.
To move on is painful but its worth the experience.
To be hopeful... is one of the scariest thing, but to not be hopeful at all is just like.. scared to the idea of living...


Happy New Year of 2012.
To especially the people who knows how important they are to my life.
May this coming year brings all the good things & only the bearable challenges in our lives.

-theone&only :)-

i feel scared everytime someone i trust doubt if i have moved on from the past.
but i'm even more scared if i don't submit NGAI on time. hihihi

13 Months After

Since the last post,

• 10 Months with MAS
  
• Living at home is way too easy of an option for anyone at their adult age, you're taken care of in every possible way.
• .......that's why - I need to get out of the house and be independent again.
  
• Still very much confused on what I want in life
• ..that was a lie, I think I'm beginning to know what I want in life.. except I don't want to share it here.
• Happy in general. But yet to find a valid reason for that.
• There are still days when I wish to run away.. (usually i wish to run away from the country)
• I had a glass of Coke and later Iced Nescafe so now i'm wide, wide awake.
• Oh,.... I now have a beautiful, perfect little niece.

touch down.

left Canada for Good.
and for the very first time, I do not know how to describe what I feel right now.

On Guilt

Assalamualaikum.


yesterday it was sunny and whenever its sunny I can't stay at home. Unfortunately bank account is not smiling broadly these days so I usually have to think before I go out, focusing on the important stuff and minimize the spending. (Actually that's half lie, I am planning to go on a big shopping spree before I head home, so I have to do serious saving, to the point where I feel sick eating my own cooking and today I thought plain white bread tasted better than my mihun goreng).

Oh, back to my story.

So yesterday I went out to Gastown but nothing was cheap enough (or was I the one who's being cheap?) so I headed to Fraser to get some halal chicken. On my way to the CanadaLine, my stomach was making noises. Not wanting to spend any penny on the food, I went to the vending machine and got myself cheezels-like chips. I was planning to eat that on the train. Just before I got the train's door, there's this one middle aged man came to me. I suspected that he was homeless but I wasn't sure coz he was clean and dressed decent. He started to tell me that he's from Algeria and he just went bancrupt or sth and he just registered for the homeless help (there's such thing in Vancouver?) and that he's a Muslim.


Before that, I have to highlight the fact that I DON'T usually LISTEN to these kind of strangers, I would have the heart to just leave them and walk away. But this man was different. He caught my attention.


And then he started to tell me that he hasn't eaten for 3 days and that he was very angry. The feeling was mutual at that time, I was feeling hungry too. I actually felt bad for him and took out my purse. I knew I had enough cash to give out to him for a meal but I just handed out 2 dollars.

And then the man started CRYING.

He told me that 2 dollars is not enough and he was VERY hungry.

well guess what I did?



I walked away.



I felt SOOOOOOO terrble afterwards, I sensed sincerity in him and I can feel that he was really in need of food. I could have just give him 5dollars or even 10. I didnt even handed him the 1.35 dollars chips I got for myself. Siigghhh..its very weird coz I keep thinking about this man until today. God's willing I hope he found help.


Its not very fun to feel guilty but when I mengadu dekat Sud, his response was,


"Ok la tu dah bg 2 dollars..pasni kalau ade org mintak duit nk makan bwk pegi all you can eat sushi"


hahahahaha fineeeeeee.


moral of the story:

for most of us, money is everything. the money problem is a neverending problem. when you're short of it, it really worries you. and when you have lots of it, you just keep wanting more. but there are so many out there who can't even eat. how many of us are willing to actually SHARE?

but pls becareful, i don't give out money to these kind people randomly because i think they use the money for drugs.

Hari Gaji Buta

Half an hour after my shift this morning, the kids at Little Raven along with three regular staff left the daycare to Iona Beach for the Spring field trip. I did not follow as my shift ends at 11 and they will only be back to the daycare at 1 p.m. So yeah, my boss said I could leave after helping tidying up the block corner and play-doh area and kitchen. I basically just worked for 45 minutes today and I spent another 10 minutes after to take pictures.

This is where the kids eat. Little chairs and small table.

This is where the kids can paint anything they want at any time they want

This is called the dress up corner. From princesses gowns to firefighter attire you can find here. There's even hawaii flowers if you can see. lol

This is my favourite corner which I think the cutest corner of all. This is the kids stove in case they are hungry lols.

Mini pot and frying pan.

Don't forget to do your dishes!

Mini plates and cups

My favourite of all! hahaa

Toast and corn

This is the birthday wall.

First mat salleh twins I've met. haha

anddddd....mini toilet! hahaha

Okay that's all. I am late for lunch with the guys. Daaaa~

How do you know?

something doesn't need explainations,

i have not said this in a VERY long time, but..
trust your instincts.

when you know, you know.

you can pretend, but can you lie?

you can hide, but can you dissapear?

you can speak, but can you express?

you can hear, but can you listen?

you can feel pain, but are you brave enough to suffer?

you can shed tears, but can you really cry?

you can take, but can you accept?

you can refuse, but can you reject?

you can walk, but can you run?

you can smile, but can you laugh?

you can dislike, but can you really hate?

you can like, but can you ever love?

I am really leaving, am I?
The thought of it makes me scared.
Coz this was the place where I grew up.